WLUHL8 AWARDS BANQUET WRAPUP

TORONTO, Ontario - "Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls, Are You Ready?
TORONTO, ONTARIO... ARE YOU READY!!! THEN.... for the Thousands in 
attendance and the MILLIONS WATCHING AT HOME... LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!"
And with that, the WLUHL8 Awards Banquet got underway at the Air Canada
Center in Toronto, Ontario. After Michael Cole stepped off the stage, we
waited for a band or dancers to appear on stage, but that didn't happen,
what we had was what most of this year was, a total brawl! From the WWF
we had Mankind and the Rock and from WCW wrestling we had Macho Man Randy
Savage and Sting up on stage, hammering away on each other with hockey
sticks, steel chairs and everything. After nearly 10 minutes of utter brawling
up on stage, the only man left standing was non other then the PEOPLE'S CHAMP...
THE ROCK! Then, after surveying the crowd, raising the People's Eyebrow, The
Rock left the stage and out came Ron MacLean to start the night off.

    Ron MacLean began with his usual jokes and opinions of this past season, as 
well as introducing some of the guests in attendance, including actors 
Jim Carey, Will Smith and Adam Sandler as well actresses Sarah Michelle Gellar 
(who is also the Hitmen Bodyguard), Jennifer Lopez, Mira Sorvina and many more. 
As However, who was there really didn't matter to us, it was the awards on this
night and so let's skip MacLean's junk and do our own little quickie of this
past season.

    Through this past season we have seen the Good, The Bad and The Ugly, all
rolled into one season. This year we saw two of the best teams in the WLUHL,
the Knights and the Hitmen, the best teams in the history of the WLUHL over 
the past 7 season miss the playoffs. From there, we witnessed the total self
destruction of one franchise with the Halifax Hacksaws putting up one of the,
if not the worst record in the history of the WLUHL, not to mention piling up
a $20 million dollar debt along the way! However, when we look to the good,
we do see much. Finally, the Terriers were able to make it out of the first
round of playoffs, only to be bounced in the third round by the SLaSH. We saw
the expansion Voodoo putting up the 4th best Regular Season record and making
it to the 2nd Round of playoffs. We had last years WLUHL Cup Champions, the
Cape Breton SLaSH make their way back to the finals to try to repeat as champs
only to falls in Game 7. Then, we saw the St. George Dragons, managed
by Jud Burkett put up the best regular season record with 54-11-9 and then
we all watched them as they marched through the first 3 rounds and then battled
hard and finally won the cup in Game 7, giving the Dragons both the Prime
Ministers Trophy and the WLUHL Cup, all in one season.

HART TROPHY - League's Most Valuable Player
===========================================

    After doing his little speel, MacLean finally got to the awards and the
first presenters were actress and singer Jennifer Lopez and actor and singer
Will Smith. Together the two presented the Hart Trophy to the League's Most
Valuable player. The five nominees this year for the Trophy were Teemu Selanne,
Joe Nieuwendyk, Dmitri Kristich, Mats Sundin and Peter Forsberg. Everyone
figured this would be a very difficult choice, however, in the end the
choice was clear. With 61 Goals and 53 assists, as well as + 41 rating and 
13 game winners, Captain Joe Nieuwendyk from the St. George Dragons was a 
clear winner pulling away from everyone with 11 of the 22 first place votes.
As well, after receiving the HART Trophy, Nieuwendyk was given the Rocket
Richard Trophy for scoring the Most Goals during the regular season. Then,
to cap the night off, Nieuwendyk finished off with a Hat Trick as he was
once again awarded the Conn Smyth Trophy for his superb play in the playoffs
guiding the Dragons to their first WLUHL Cup.

NORRIS TROPHY - League's Best Defenceman
=========================================

    After clearingn the stage, Will Smith got up and put on a fabulous show
for the crowd performing his hit from his latest movie, Wild Wild West. Once
he was done, MacLean called out the star of the hit movie Big Daddy, Adam
Sandler. Sandler, came out wearing his Bruins jersey and took some cheap shots
at some players in the WLUHL this year and then he presented the award for the
Top Defenceman this year. The Nominees for the trophy were Rob Blake, Niklas
Lidstrom, Kenny Jonsson, Robert Svehla and Scott Niedermayer. Once again this
was a clear victory as the winner took home 10 of the possible 22 first place
votes. With 31 goals and 41 assists, Rob Blake from the Missisagua Meatheads
was cleary the best d-man in the league this season. For Blake, this was his
first Norris Trophy and he was the first person to break Chris Chelios's 
streak of 3 straight Norris Trophies dating back to WLUHL5.

VEZINA TROPHY - League's Best Goaltender
========================================

    After having a brief mock wrestling match, Sandler and Blake left the stage
and once again, Ron MacLean called out the next presenters. From the Lethal
Weapon series, Mel Gibson, Danny Glover and Chris Rock made their way out. The
three guys did a great skit introducing each of the 5 nominee's for the trophy.
Even though everyone knew that this was a no contest, the 5 men battling for
the trophy were Dominik Hasek, Patrick Roy, Byron Dafoe, Tom Barasso and
Arturs Irbe. However, with a league leading 1.95 Goals Against Average, a league
leading 45 wins, a league leading .927 save percentage and a league leading
10 shutouts, it was no wonder that Dominik Hasek pulled in 17 of the possible
22 first place votes for the Vezina Trophy. With his victory tonight, Hasek
became the first goalie to win the Vezina Trophy in the past 5 season, ending
Patrick Roy's streak of 4 straight Vezina Trophies.

LADY BING - Award to the League's Most Gentlemanly Player
=========================================================

    As the 4 men left the stage, Offspring stepped up and belted out one of
their latest releases, The Kid's Aren't Allright. This got the fans and
everyone at home pumped up and ready to go. As they quieted down, MacLean
then called out Gordie Howe and WCW Wrestler Bill Goldberg to hand out the
Lady Bing Award. This was a fairly close race until the end, and of course,
the sentimental favorite won the battle. However, having 21 goals and 64 assits
didn't hurt his cause, but Wayne Gretzky from the Missisagua Meatheads took
home the Lady Bing award. For Gretzky, this was his first Lady Bing award and
the Missisagua Meatheads 2nd award of the night.

GOLDEN GLOVES - Awarded to the League's Top Enforcer/Goon
==========================================================

     As we prepared for this award, a tape of some of the best fights over the
past year, hits and other cheap shots was showed with the crowd getting a real
buzz and well, with some players getting a bit ticked after seeing some of the
crap that they took! However, after the tape was done rolling, boxer Lennox
Lewis and ROCKY!!! Sylvester Stallone made there way out from the back to hand
out the award. This year we had a lot of really tough boys in the running for
the award, but when it came right down to it, the man who did the most trash
talking of year (No, GM's don't count here so Stumpf and Jordan couldn't be
nominated) took the Gloves home! The nominees for the award were Paul Laus,
Marty McSorley, Kryzstof Oliwa, Doug Zmolek and Dave Schultz. Well, the clear
choice with 16 first place votes, 532 penalty minutes and a fight record of 
17-5-2, Kryzstof Oliwa of the Waterloo Hitmen won. This was Oliwa's first
award in the WLUHL and for the Hitmen, this is their second Golden Gloves
award in the past 4 years. (Hmm, does that tell you something!)

CALDER TROPHY - Rookie of the Year
==================================

     As the tough guys left the stage, THE ROCK called out Bill Goldberg from
the crowd. Soon, The People's Champ and DA MAN Goldberg went at it right on
the stage. The two men battled it out for a while with each man nailing the
other with hard lefts and rights, chair shots, clotheslines, headubutts and
even THE ROCK BOTTOM by The Rock. However, as the match hit the 10 minute mark,
a bell rang and Goldberg walked back to his seat and the Rock found his and
both men sat down and enjoyed the rest of the night. As everyone waited for
yet another brawl to ensue, singer Britney Spears walked out from the back 
and presented the Calder Trophy for the Rookie of the Year. As Spears hit
center stage, the rumors still were flying high about whether or not she did
get breast implants or not, but either way, many people in attendance, including
Hitmen GM Jason Stumpf were saying "It don't matter if she did or not, she 
IS LOOKIN MIGHTY FINE! WHOOOOO!" The nominees for the Calder Trophy were
Tony Hrkac, Steve Shields, Mattais Ohlund, Scott Fraser and Frank Banham.
This was the closest battle of them all, with Tony Hrkac from the Sierra Spiders
edging Banham of the Ice Hawks by 6 points on beating him by only 1 first place
vote. However, with 35 goals and 33 assists on a team that did not produce
much during the regular season, Hrkac showed why he was a well deserving
candidate for the Rookie of the Year Honors.

SELKE TROPHY - League's Best Defensive Forward
===============================================

     The next award, the Selke Trophy was handed out by one of the top defensive
players in the NFL and by one of the best CFL players ever, and now one of top
NFL quarterbacks, both from the Buffalo Bills, Bruce Smith and Doug Flutie. After
viewing some of the clips of some great passes, hits and shots by the Selkie
Nominee's, Flutie and Smith handed out the award. The 5 men gunning for this award
tonight were Stu Barnes, Trevor Linden, Rod Brind'Amour, Mike Peca and Shayne
Corson. Again, we had ourselves another tight race, but in the end, it was the 
$10.5 million dollar man Stu Barnes from the Kitchener Terriers who took home the
award. Barnes had 43 goals and 55 assists putting him 2nd on the Terriers for
points. For his effort, Barnes becomes the first player to win the Selke Trophy
in the WLUHL.

SCOTTY BOWMAN AWARD - Coach and GM of the Year
==============================================

     For the 2nd last award of the night, Scotty Bowman himself and WLUHL
President Don Cherry came out to had out the award for the Coach/GM of
the Year. However, before they did that, Canadian sensation Shania Twain
came out and performed "That Don't Impress Me Much" wearing that TIGHT HOT
BLACK OUTFIT she wore at the Grammy's (I think that was when it was, either
way, SHE WAS HOT!!!) After getting a standing ovation from the crowd, and
two thumbs up from Don Cherry (Though we aren't sure if the two thumbs up
where for the performance or the skimpy, tight black outfit!) Cherry and
Bowman handed out the award. The five finalists for the Coach of the Year
were Jeff Grothier from the Quabbin Crunch, Ted Wollnik from the Chicago
Ice Hawks, Brad Schott from the Kitchener Terriers, Jud Burkett from the
WLUHL Cup winning and President Trophy winning St. George Dragons and
Hans Meyer from the Dixie Blackened Voodoo. This was a tight battle and
it came down really the last couple votes with Jeff Grothier of the
Quabbin Crunch beating Hans Meyer of the Voodoo by only 6 points and 1
first place vote. Even though Meyer was able to take the expansion Voodoo
to the 4th best record in the WLUHL, Jeff Grotheir was able to take his
2nd year Crunch, a team that had just over a .300 winning percentage the
previous year into a Division winning team, and a playoff threat within
one year. With that, Grothier joins Jason Stumpf of the Hitmen, Danny
MacLeod of the SLaSH and John Kumor of the Outsiders as the only other
Coaches/GM's to win the Scotty Bowman award.

DON CHERRY AWARD OF EXCELLENCE - Awarded to the GM Who Best Represents the League
=================================================================================

     Bowman and Grothier soon left the stage, leaving WLUHL President Don 
Cherry out there alone to hand out the Don Cherry Award of Excellence which 
is presented to the GM who best represents what this league is all about.
The past two seasons Rookie GM's Rob Ferris from the Halifax Hacksaws and
last season Richard Lomax from the Birmingham Ice Barons were given the
award. This season it was a close battle between three GM's to be given
this award, but to really finish off a cinderella season, Don Cherry called
up Jud Burkett from the St. George Dragons. Besides putting together the
best regular season record this year, Jud throughout the season participated
putting out many, many presse releases, contributed to league discussions,
was in charge of the WLUHL revenue and most importantly, brought home the
WLUHL CUP! With all of that, Mr. Burkett edged out Mr. Jack Jordan of the
Freeze and Mr. Bill Markut of the Melted Ice.


     With that, the WLUHL #8 season was over. All but a few administrative
things are left to be done, and then WLUHL #9 will be ready to rock. We 
are sorry that we were not able to get any interviews with any of the winners
because of the time constraints, but I do believe that in the next couple
days we will be hearing from many of the winners tonight. From Toronto,
Ontario, "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn signing off... saying so long, good night and

      IF YOU AIN'T DOWN WITH THE WLUHL THEN WE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU!

        				SUCK IT!!!!